The Extreme Worship Arts! June 5, 2008

I’m reading through Simple Church again. In one chapter they are talking about having a vision for your personal life, as well as for your church/ministry.

One of the contributing writers talks about the time that he posted a phony job listing on a church staffing website. Unbelievably, he had many responses. Here is the exact posting that was made:

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Pastor of Extreme Worship ArtsMiami, FL
Denomination: Unknown
Worship Style: PostModern / Gen-X
Church Size: 1001 to 1500
Job Status: Full Time

Job Description:
Main Event Church is seeking an exceptional leader to be our Pastor of Extreme Worship Arts. We believe the right person will be a unique fit for for such a time as this. This person serve under the Senior Pastor, and will oversee all areas of worship. Candidates must embrace the Senior Pastor’s vision of aligning all people of all denominations under the same vision. The person must also meet these requirements: Ability to infuse the TULIP doctrine in all worship sets. Postmodern, Visionary, Missional leader capable of creating an ethos and apostolitic movement.

Willing to find some songs written from a premillenial dispensationalist theological tradition

Desires to develop an emerging handbell choir

Some snake handling may be appropriate (for our believers service only)

Agree that the Lord is to be worshiped through magnificent attire and appropriate versions of the Bible

Demonstrate proof of a second blessing… Tongue speaking in various accents is a major plus as we are a multicultural church.

Exegetically establish a movement of fluidity in the Extreme Worship Ministry

We realize that many of these requirements are personal preferences and not biblical mandates. Therefore, each candidate must be aligned with roughly 3/4 of all our requirements. Please send a resume in Microsoft Word or Adobe Reader Format to James atmaineventchurch@yahoo.com

Church: Main Event Church
Contact: James
Email: Click Here to Email
Address: Main Event ChurchATTN: James8945 SW 168 StMiami, FL 33157
Website: www.maineventchurch.com

Quotes of the week May 9, 2008

Here are a few quotes that influenced me this past week:

“You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” Anne Lamott

“In some sense the most benevolent, generous person in the world seeks his own happiness in doing good to others, because he places his happiness in their good.“Jonathan Edwards

“One of the most important discoveries I have ever made is this truth: God is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in him. This is the motor that drives my ministry as a pastor. It affects everything I do.” John Piper

“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” Robert Bloch

“For me, the beginning of sharing my faith with people began by throwing out Christianity and embracing Christian spirituality, a nonpolitical mysterious system that can be experienced but not explained. Christianity, unlike Christian spirituality, was not a term that excited me. I couldn’t share something I wasn’t experiencing. And I wasn’t experiencing Christianity.” Donald Miller

Last but not least….

“Mom, listen! They have Jesus on KLOVE! (while listening to a Chris Tomlin interview. His mom tells him it’s not Jesus, but Chris Tomlin). But Mom, that’s how Jesus sounds when He talks to me.” Wyatt, my nephew

Stuff Christians Like April 14, 2008

I stumbled onto this hilarious blog. It’s a spoof of the “Stuff White People Like” blog that’s become an internet sensation.

Basically, the author is making fun of the goofy things that Christians and churches do. It’s all in good taste and it’s very light-hearted. After growing up in the church, I can attest that I’ve witnessed almost every one of these.

You can read it here. Here are a few of my favorites:

#149: Boycotting stuff

#148: War themed ministries

#142: Gloria Estefan’s song “Coming Out of the Dark”

#140: Telling the Pastor what his kids have been up to

#139: The choir side-step dance: This is the thing choirs do when they shift from one foot to the other and kind of angle their shoulders. Back and forth. Back and forth. Work it out. Is it a side step? A two step shift?

#129: Chick-Fil-A

#125: The Mandatory Youth Minister Goatee:

Search committee member
“Well, so far everything checks out. Your beliefs are the same as ours, you’re smart and the kids seemed to really like you. But there’s something missing.”

Potential youth minister
“Do you need more references? I could get more references.”

Search committee member
“No, I’m going to cut to the chase. It’s your chin. It’s just so bald and boring. The kids in this community need a youth minister with a bit of an edge. Someone that understands them. Someone that speaks their language with the “phat” and the “twittering” and the “i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie, to the hip hip hop, a you don’t stop, the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie.” They need someone relevant and now. Someone … with a goatee.”

Potential youth minister
“I’ll start growing one today.”

Search committee member
“Hired!”

The youth minister prototype

NYC Recap April 7, 2008

We had an absolutely incredible time in NYC this past week. I really enjoyed spending time with my wife and sister and seeing parts of the city that I had yet to experience.

We arrived Saturday and got to our apartment at about 12:30 pm. Staying in an apartment is the only way to stay in NYC. You feel like a real New Yorker. We stayed on Wall Street and could see the Stock Exchange from our 25th floor apartment.

Probably the highlight of the trip was seeing the Late Show with David Letterman. It was a great experience. Letterman seems very laid-back and has a good time with the audience.

We also had some pretty incredible food. On Monday we at at the Grand Central Oyster Bar. It’s in Grand Central Station and is absolutely gorgeous. I got to try a few different types of oysters and even sampled the Long Island sea urchin (which was very weird).

On Tuesday night we ate at Nobu 57. This was definitely one of the best (and most expensive) meals I’ve ever had. We tried 3 or 4 different dishes and had some great sushi. Their uni (sea urchin) was the best I’ve ever had.

I would bet that we walked about 500 miles while in Manhattan (that may be a bit of an exaggeration). Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge was definitely a highlight for me.

I finally got to visit the Dakota and Strawberry Fields. The Dakota was where John Lennon lived and was murdered. Directly across the street in Central Park is Strawberry Fields, an area dedicated to Lennon’s memory. For some reason, being there really got to me. I’m a huge Beatles fan and the thought of what happened there was more overwhelming than I imagined. My wife and sister made fun of me for getting “emotional.”

It was without a doubt my favorite trip we’ve ever made to NYC. I absolutely love the city and look forward to living there someday.

Here are some pictures of our trip:

Our Apartment

Valerie and Tamara on the Brooklyn Bridge

SoHo

The Dakota and Strawberry Fields

View from our apartment

My sandwich at Carnegie Deli